好英语网新年送礼越贵重越受欢迎吗？选错礼物可能损害关系
It’s the season to examine your holiday gift list. You’ll have to figure out who gets a present – but also how much you’re actually going to spend and, most importantly, what to get.
圣诞节和新年是你检视送礼清单的时候。你必须考虑要送礼物给哪些人，但也要考虑打算花多少钱买礼物，当然最重要的是买什么样的礼物。
In the UK, the average household spends around £500 on gifts during the traditional holiday season, equalling Americans who spend about $650. And although giving gifts can make you happy, communicate your feelings toward the receiver and even strengthen relationships, a less-than-stellar gift can have the opposite effect.
在英国，平均每户人家在传统的圣诞新年节日期间会花500英镑买礼物送人，美国平均是650美元，所费与英国家庭大致相当。虽然送礼会让人心情快乐，有助于表达对获得礼物者的情感，甚至能加强双方的友谊，但送礼不当却会起到相反效果。
“Choosing the wrong gift can be kind of risky for relationships because it says you don’t have anything in common,” says Elizabeth Dunn, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia in Canada and co-author of Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending. Her research has also showed that undesirable gifts can sometimes negatively impact the receiver’s perception of a relationship’s future potential.
加拿大英属哥伦比亚大学心理学教授、《快乐金钱：快乐消费的科学》（Happy Money: the Science of Happier Spending）一书的合著者伊丽莎白·邓恩（Elizabeth Dunn）表示，“选错礼物可能会有损于送礼者和收礼者之间的关系，因为这会说明你们两者没有任何共识。”她的研究还表明，收到不受欢迎的礼物有时会使得接受者不看好彼此未来关系的发展。
Since you don’t want your holiday gift to cause more harm than good, how can you be sure to choose a gift the receiver will love? Psychology may have the answer.
既然你不想让送出的的节日礼物有坏效果而是希望有好效果，那么你又如何能确定自己会选择到对方一定会喜欢的礼物呢? 这个问题，心理学可能有答案。
Don’t fret about the price
别担心价格
Should you just splurge to show how much you care?
你是否应该挥霍金钱买贵重礼物来表明你有多在乎对方吗?
Research has actually shown that spending more does not always guarantee a well-received gift. One study found that the more expensive a gift, the more givers expected recipients to appreciate it. But while givers thought spending more conveyed more thoughtfulness, receivers didn’t associate the price with their level of appreciation.
事实上，研究表明，多花钱买的并不一定保证是受对方欢迎的礼物。一项研究发现，礼物越贵，送礼者越会认为收礼者一定会喜欢。但是，虽然送礼者认为多花钱可以表达出自己更重视对方，但收礼者却不会将礼物价格与他们是否欣赏这份礼物等同来看。
“It seems pretty intuitive that if you spend more, you’re going to get a better gift. It turns out that there’s no evidence that recipients are sensitive to the cost of a gift when they figure out how much they’re going to enjoy that gift,” says Jeff Galak, an associate professor of marketing at the Carnegie Mellon Tepper School of Business in the US city of Pittsburgh.
位于美国匹兹堡的卡内基梅隆大学泰珀商学院的营销副教授杰夫·格拉克（Jeff Galak）说，“你会本能地认为，一分钱一分货，贵的礼物就是好礼物，但事实是，没有证据说明收礼者在思考这份礼物的意义时，会想到礼物花了多少钱。”
Galak, who studies consumer behaviour and decision making, acknowledges that you may have to hit a certain price threshold due to tradition or expectations. But once you meet that cost, “it doesn’t matter if you buy something more valuable”, he says. The gift itself is what matters most.
研究消费者行为和决策的格拉克承认，由于传统或预期的原因，你买礼物时可能不得不考虑某个价格标准。但他说，只要你达到了这个花钱标准，“你是否需要购买更贵的东西就不重要了”。礼物本身才是最重要的。
Think longer term
长远考虑
Galak says the trick for giving a great gift is to think past the fleeting moment of actually handing it over, a concept he and colleagues Julian Givi and Elanor Williams found to be a common theme in studies on gift giving, including a paper they authored.
格拉克说，要想送出一份受欢迎的礼物，其窍门是，不要只想到送出礼物的那一瞬间收礼者的反应。他和同事朱利安·吉维（Julian Givi）和埃尔纳·威廉姆斯（Elanor Williams）发现，这个概念是有关送礼的研究中一个常见的主题，包括他们撰写的一篇论文。
“When givers give gifts, they’re trying to optimise on the moment they give the gift and see the smile on the recipient’s face right in that moment,” says Galak. “But what recipients care about is how much value they’re going to derive from that over a longer time period.”
格拉克说，“当送礼者送礼物时，他们总是力图突出他们送礼物的那一刻，要看到对方满面笑容地收下礼物。但接受者更关心的则是，这份礼物在较长的时间内有多大价值。”
In other words, it might not be exciting to watch a friend or family member open the gift of a movie-streaming subscription, so you might be less likely to give one. But a recipient may actually love it, since it’s a gift that can be enjoyed often over time.
换言之，看着朋友或家人收到电影流媒体订阅这样的礼物，可能并不令人兴奋，所以你不太可能送这样的礼物。但收礼人可能真的很喜欢，因为这是一种可以随后不断享用的礼物。
Forget about uniqueness
不要想着送独一无二的礼物
Galak also suggests not getting hung up on giving the most unique gift out there. Sometimes something that many people desire or many others have can be exactly what someone wants.
加拉克还建议不要执着于送出独一无二的礼物。有时候，许多人想要的或许多人拥有的东西可能正是你的收礼者想要的。
One study showed that we tend to focus on a recipient’s unique traits and personality as we shop for them. But this hyper-specificity leads us to ignore other aspects of their wants and needs, which may make us buy them an inferior gift. We also tend to want to buy different gifts for multiple people, even if they might all be happier with the same thing – and might never compare gifts at all.
一项研究表明，我们在购买礼物时往往会考虑收礼人的个性和特点。但是高度重视其个性会导致我们忽视了收礼人其他方面的需求，这可能会让我们买一件劣质的礼物送他们。我们也倾向于给不同的人买不同的礼物，即使他们可能都对同样的东西更满意，而且可能根本不会互相比较礼物。
In order to feel like a good gift giver, people erroneously feel like they need to diversify the gifts, even at the cost of giving the best present, according to Galak. You might also overlook buying something that you own because you don’t want to undermine your own sense of individuality.
据格拉克之说，为了让自己感觉像是一个送出好礼物的人，人们错误地认为他们需要送出多样东西作礼物，即使付出的代价是未能送出最好的礼物。你可能也不会去购买你也拥有的东西做礼物，因为你不想破坏对方独自拥有的感受。
So those trainers of yours that your friend loves? Don’t avoid gifting a matching pair just because you want to be unique.
如果你朋友喜欢你穿的运动鞋，这该如何办? 不要仅仅因为你想要送出独一无二的礼物，就避免与你脚下相同的运动鞋。
Buy based on shared interests
买双方都感兴趣的礼物
To shop better, psychology professor Dunn suggests starting with something you have in common with the recipient. She says that instead of using your own preferences and adjusting them for how you and the recipient diverge, focus on what you share and pick a gift from there.
心理学教授邓恩建议，要买对方称心满意的礼物，可从双方共同的兴趣着手。她说，与其根据自己的喜好来调整你和收礼者之间的爱好分歧，不如关注你和对方有哪些共同兴趣爱好，然后以此为依据挑选礼物。
“People are better at choosing something for themselves,” she says, “so if you have something in common with somebody, get something that shares the same affinity, because something you would like will more likely be something they like.”
她说，“人们很会为自己选择购买东西，所以，如果你和某人有共同点，那就买一些双方都喜欢的，因为你喜欢的东西很有可能也是他们喜欢的东西。”
For an even stronger gift think about a common interest you share and buy something that your recipient can experience – say, concert tickets or a cooking class. Research has also shown that experiential gifts can bring you and the recipient closer, even if you don’t experience the gift with your recipient.
想要送一份更有吸引力的礼物，可以考虑一下你们的共同爱好，买些让对方能亲身体验感受的东西，比如音乐会门票或烹饪课。研究还表明，这类体验性礼物能让你和对方走得更近，即使你没有和对方一起体验。
Ask them what they want
问对方想要什么样的礼物
If you have nothing in common, though, Dunn recommends just asking the recipient what they want, or to work off a registry. In fact, research shows that people are more appreciative of gifts they ask for than ones they don’t.
不过，如果你们没有任何共同兴趣爱好，邓恩建议你直接问对方他们想要什么礼物，或者做一个礼物征求清单。事实上，研究表明，人们更喜欢自己索要的礼物。
“People want to be creative and surprise the recipient,” says Dunn, “but the better gift will be whatever it is they say they want.”
邓恩说：“人们希望有创意，能给收礼人一个意外惊喜，但实际上更好的礼物应该是他们亲口说出想要的东西。”
Galak agrees that the simplest way to make a person happy with a gift is asking them what they want. It’s not an answer most people like, he says, because good gifts are supposed to be a ‘surprise’ – even though science has disproven this.
加拉克也认为，让一个人对礼物感到满意的最简单方法就是问他想要什么。但这不是大多数人喜欢的答案，他说，多数人以为好的礼物应该是给对方一个"惊喜"，尽管科学已经证明了并非如此。
“Asking somebody what they want is seen as taboo. And that’s a shame,” he says. “We would all be better off if we gave people what they want.”
他说，“问别人想要什么被视为一种禁忌。是一种羞辱。但实际上，如果我们给与人的正是他们想要的，我们也会过得更好。”
Don’t overthink it
不要想得过多
At the end of the day, don’t fret too much about giving a terrible gift: truly bad gifts are rare.
在一天结束夜深人静之时，不要太担心你送人一份糟糕的礼物。真正糟糕的礼物是很少见的。
Unless something is wildly inappropriate, the recipient will feel some level of appreciation. Galak says that over the course of his research he has asked thousands of participants about gifts they have received, and he rarely hears someone talk about a bad gift. And even if you do give a sub-par gift to someone you are close to, you may be saved by your thoughtfulness. That’s because when someone gives a bad gift, it triggers the receiver to think about why the giver chose it.
除非送的礼物非常不合时宜，否则对方多少都会心怀感激。格拉克说，在他的研究过程中，他询问过数千名调查参与者有关他们收受礼物的情况，他很少听到有人说礼物不好。即使你送了一件不怎么好的礼物给身边你亲近的人，你也可能会因为你的体贴表示而得救。这是因为当一个人送了一份不好的礼物时，接受者会设身处地思考为什么送的人会选择这样的礼物。
“When someone does something puzzling that needs to be explained – like give a bad gift –that’s when you think about what’s on the other person’s mind,” says Nicholas Epley, a professor at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business who studies how we take other people’s perspectives and make judgements. His research shows that if your recipient feels like you at least spent a lot of time making your selection, they’ll appreciate the effort that went into choosing a less desirable gift.
芝加哥大学布斯商学院教授尼古拉斯‧艾普勒（Nicholas Epley）研究人们如何换位思考及做出判断。他说， “当有人做了令人费解的事，如送人一个糟糕的礼物，这时你就会换位思考，设身处地想这个人想的是什么。”他的研究表明，如果你的收礼人觉得你至少花了很多时间来挑选礼物，他们会很感激你为选择一份不太合意的礼物所付出的努力。
In other words, the old adage ‘it’s the thought that counts’ really might be true.
换句话说，“礼轻情意重”这句老话可能是真的。
And even if you don’t get the gift right, someone will still feel good in the situation: you. “When gift givers put a lot of thought into a gift, they feel closer to the recipient,” says Epley. “Even if the recipient isn’t so much affected by the thoughtfulness, the giver is.”
即使你没有送出合宜的礼物，仍然会有人在这种情况下感觉良好。这个人就是你自己。艾普勒说，“送礼物的人在礼物上花很多心思的时候，他们会觉得和接受者更亲近。即使受赠者对这份情意感受不强，但给予者自己却会感受良多。”