好英语网你应该拥有更多性生活
Sex is good. Sex is healthy. Sex is an essential part of our social fabric. And you — specifically — should probably be having more of it.
性很美好。性很健康。性是我们社会结构的重要组成部份。而你，特别是你，可能应该有更多的性生活。
Americans, in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, are not having enough sex. Across almost every demographic group, American adults old and young, single and coupled, rich and poor are having less sex than they have had at any point in at least the past three decades.
在一场孤独蔓延的疫情中，美国人没有足够的性生活。在几乎所有人口群体中，美国成年人无论年长还是年轻、单身还是已婚、富人还是穷人，其性生活都比过去三十年的任何时候都少。
Sex isn’t the sole form of fulfilling human interaction and certainly isn’t a salve for loneliness in all forms. Still, it should be seen as a critical part of our social well-being, not an indulgence or an afterthought. This is in large part because the rise in loneliness closely parallels a decline in sex. More than a quarter of Americans hadn’t had sex even once in the past year the last time the General Social Survey asked, in 2021. It was the highest such level of sexlessness in the survey’s history.
性不是满足人类互动的唯一形式，当然，无论是哪种形式的孤独，性也不是解药。尽管如此，它仍应被视为我们社会幸福的重要组成部分，而不是一种放纵或可有可无的东西。这在很大程度上是因为孤独感的增加与性生活的减少趋势高度一致。上次综合社会调查是在2021年，显示超过四分之一的美国人在过去一年里一次性行为都没有。这次调查的无性生活占比是该调查历史上最高的。
That figure includes almost 30 percent of men under 30, a figure that has tripled since 2008. In the 1990s, about half of Americans were having sex weekly or more — that figure is now under 40 percent. For many who are having sex, the frequency has dropped precipitously. And it’s not just sex: Partnership and cohabitation are down, too. Less time spent with friends and lovers — these aren’t distinct issues but symptoms of the same cultural malaise, an isolation that is demolishing Americans’ social lives, love lives and happiness.
这一人群中有近30%是30岁以下男性，这个数字自2008年以来增长了两倍。在1990年代，大约一半的美国人每周都有一次或多次性行为——现在这个比例低于40%。对于许多有性生活的人来说，性的频率急剧下降。不仅仅是性：伴侣关系和同居关系也在减少。与朋友和爱人相处的时间减少——这些问题并非单独存在，而是同一种文化病症的症状，一种疏离正在摧毁美国人的社交生活、爱情生活和幸福感。
Estimates vary, but somewhere between a third and two-thirds of Americans report being lonely. Loneliness exists on a feedback loop: Fraying cultural bonds, damaged physical health and reduced social contact both exacerbate loneliness and are exacerbated by it, to the point that loneliness lowers life expectancy. Loneliness is a challenging phenomenon for researchers to quantify, but there are telltale signs — and they point to a society losing its way. The number of Americans who report having no close friends at all has quadrupled since 1990, according to a Survey Center on American Life study. An average American in 2021 spent 58 percent less time with friends than in 2013, the Census Bureau found.
根据不同的估计，数值略有不同，但大概有三分之一到三分之二的美国人表示感到孤独。孤独存在于一个反馈回路中：文化纽带的破裂、身体健康受损和社交接触减少都会加剧孤独感，并因孤独感而反过来加剧这些因素，以至于孤独感会降低预期寿命。对于研究人员来说，孤独是一种难以量化的现象，但有迹象表明社会正在迷失方向。根据美国生活调查中心的一项研究，自1990年以来，自称完全没有亲密朋友的美国人数量翻了两番。美国普查局发现，2021年美国人平均与朋友相处的时间比2013年减少了58%。
Covid-19 has contributed to the spike in loneliness and the decline in sex, but is only partially responsible. Between 2014 and 2019, the decrease in time people spent with friends was greater than it was during the pandemic. And during the pandemic, many Americans spent more and more time alone, with neither friends nor romantic partners. Younger Americans are, infamously, less likely to have sex than their parents’ generations — and when they do have sex, they’re doing it with fewer partners.
新冠助长了孤独感的激增，促使性行为减少，但这只是部分原因。2014年至2019年期间，人们与朋友在一起的时间下降幅度大于大流行期间。在大流行期间，许多美国人独处的时间越来越多，既没有朋友，也没有恋人。最骇人听闻的是，年轻的美国人发生性行为的可能性低于他们的父辈——即使有性生活，他们的伴侣也更少。
In my work as a writer covering sex and culture, I have spoken to dozens of men for whom a lack of sex is the defining characteristic of their daily life. It shapes their interests, their motivations, their hopes. Some are incels — short for “involuntary celibates,” believers in a toxic, misogynistic ideology — but more are not. Some believe the pursuit of sex will be entirely futile. In turn, they’ve begun to interpret going out, spending time with friends and meeting new people as futile, too. This thinking becomes cyclical — soon, they’re not only afraid of failing to find a sexual partner but they also grow to fear even platonic social interactions. Sex is only one component of their overall isolation but is in many cases the one upon which the overall problem hinges.
作为一名性与文化方面的作者，在我的工作中，我与数十名男性交谈过，对他们来说，缺乏性生活是他们日常生活的基本特征。性生活匮乏塑造了他们的兴趣、动机和希望。有些人是incel——“非自愿独身者”的缩写，他们信奉有毒的、厌女的意识形态——但多数人不是。有些人认为追求性是完全徒劳的。他们也转而开始认为外出、与朋友相处和结识新朋友都是徒劳的。这种想法开始循环——很快，他们不仅害怕找不到性伴侣，而且甚至害怕柏拉图式的社交互动。性只是他们整体孤立状态的一个组成部分，但在许多情况下，性是整个问题的关键所在。
It’s easy to brush these men off as anomalies, or to label their state as a result of personal failings or even the consequences of modern masculinity. But while much of the research around the decline in sex focuses upon young men, almost every group of Americans is experiencing the absence of sex — and the consequences are profound. If a lack of sex is affecting the cultural and social participation of these young men, it’s likely to be affecting the rest of us, too. A lack of sex can easily translate into less socialization, fewer families and a sicker population: Sex reduces pain, relieves stress, improves sleep, lowers blood pressure and strengthens heart health.
人们很容易将这些人看作异类，或者给他们的状态贴上标签，认为是出于个人的失败甚至是现代男子气概危机。虽然大部分关于性生活减少的研究都集中在年轻男性身上，但几乎每个美国人群体都在经历性生活的缺失——其后果是深远的。如果缺乏性生活正在影响这些年轻人的文化和社会参与，那么它也可能会影响到我们其他人。缺乏性生活很容易导致社交活动减少、家庭减少和患病人口增多：性生活可以减轻疼痛、缓解压力、改善睡眠、降低血压并增强心脏健康。
Writers like myself have made male sexlessness a well-known issue, even as women are in the same bind. Data from the General Social Survey actually suggests they may be having even less sex than men. In 2021, roughly a quarter of women under 35 reported having had no sex in the past year. For men, the figure was 19 percent. And women who are having sex are less likely to be happy with the sex they’re having. Both men and women report feelings of regret and unhappiness following casual sex, but it’s more common among women — probably in part because of cultural perceptions of sexual autonomy. Sex can bring people together, but that only works when it’s good sex.
像我一样的作者已经使没有性生活的男性成为一个众所周知的问题，尽管女性也处于同样的境地。综合社会调查的数据实际上表明，她们的性行为可能比男性更少。2021年，大约四分之一的35岁以下女性表示在过去一年中没有发生过性行为。对于男性，这个数字是19%。而且有性行为的女性不太会对自己的性行为感到满意。男性和女性都表示在随意性行为后感到后悔和不快，但这种情况在女性中更为常见——部分原因可能是对性自主的文化观念。性可以将人聚集在一起，但这只有在性的体验良好时才有效。
Not only are women and men marching together into sexlessness; they’re also on the same road to loneliness. Young women were more likely than men to report losing touch with friends during the pandemic, and a British study found that women were more likely than men to report feeling lonely “often” or “always.” Reporting often focuses on young-male sexlessness — and on incel ideology — but the decline in sex and rise in loneliness and social isolation are not male problems. In 21st-century America, loneliness is essentially omnipresent, and the high schooler’s cliché fear that “everyone else is having sex” has never been less true.
女性和男性不仅一起选择了无性生活；他们同样也在走向孤独。疫情期间，年轻女性比男性更可能与友人失去联络，英国的一项研究发现，女性自称“经常”或“总是”感到孤独的概率也比男性更大。研究报告往往都关注年轻男性的无性生活以及“非自愿独身”的意识形态，但性生活减少、孤独和社会孤立感加剧并非男性独有的问题。在21世纪的美国，孤独无处不在，高中生那些“别人都有性生活”的俗套焦虑已经跟现实相去甚远。
There is no one solution. The loneliness epidemic has been brought about by myriad factors that have been exacerbated over decades. Social media is one culprit; the 20th century’s war of attrition against walkable communities is another. But as loneliness has accelerated, it has become self-perpetuating: Our current societal loneliness — and sexlessness — is a result of social and cultural shifts, while its continuation perpetuates those shifts further.
没有一劳永逸的解决办法。孤独流行病是由过去几十年间不断累积的无数因素造成的。社交媒体是罪魁祸首之一；适宜步行的社区在20世纪遭侵蚀殆尽则是另一个因素。但孤独已经蔓延到永无止境的地步：我们眼下的社会性孤独——以及无性生活——是社会和文化转变的结果，而这种孤独的延续性也进一步推动了转变。
The loneliness epidemic may be a societal issue, but it can be solved, at least partly, at the level of individual bedrooms. Those of us in a position to be having more sex ought to be doing so. Here is the rare opportunity to do something for the betterment of the world around you that involves nothing more than indulging in one of humanity’s most essential pleasures.
孤独流行病或许是社会问题，但它至少能在个人卧室中得到部分解决。那些有条件拥有更多性生活的人应该去这样做。这是个让人的周遭世界更美好的难得机会，你需要做的不过是好好享受人类最基本的乐事之一。
Having more sex is both personal guidance — your doctor might well agree — and a political statement. American society is less connected, made up of individuals who seem increasingly willing to isolate themselves. Having more sex can be an act of social solidarity.
增加性生活是私人医生大概也会赞成的个人指导，同时也一种政治宣言。美国社会人与人之间的联系越来越少，个体似乎愈发愿意处于自我孤立的状态。增加性生活可能算得上是社会团结之举。
Not everyone who wants to have more sex is easily capable of doing so. Disabilities, religious objections, asexuality and any set of day-to-day restrictions and responsibilities curtail or close off sex for many. There may be some who simply do not want to have more sex, or any sex at all. But even those who won’t have more sex should avoid apathy. Sex is intrinsic to a society built on social connection — and right now, our connections and our sex lives are collapsing alongside each other.
不是所有想要更多性生活的人都能轻易得偿所愿。残障、信仰反对、无性恋以及任何日常限制或责任都会剥夺或阻隔许多人的性生活。可能有些人就是根本不想要更多性生活，甚至于彻底拒绝。但即便不愿追求更多性生活，人也应该避免冷漠。对于一个建立在社交关系之上的社会，性是不可或缺的，而如今，我们的人际关系正在和我们的性生活一起崩塌。
Many people — like some of the young men I have spoken to in my work — have resigned themselves to displacing their sexual desires, relying entirely on porn or other online stimuli, mirroring so many types of relationships that have been subsumed into the digital world. As a balm for loneliness, digital sex can be little better than digital friendship — a source of envy, resentfulness and spite, a driver of loneliness rather than a cure for it. It’s no match for the real thing.
和我在研究中交谈过的一些年轻男性一样，许多人已经放弃了自己的性欲，完全依赖于色情或其他网络刺激品，映射的是数字世界中包含的如此多类型的关系。作为孤独的慰藉，数字性爱并不比数字友谊好多少——它是嫉妒、怨恨和憎恶的源头，会带来孤独，而不是治愈孤独。它根本无法和真实的体验相提并论。
So, any capable people should have sex — as much as they can, as pleasurably as they can, as often as they can.
所以，一切有条件的人都应该尽可能多地、尽可能愉快地、尽可能频繁地享受性生活。