保守矜持是好事还是坏事?
保守矜持是好事还是坏事?
Americans are brash and forward; the French, romantic and rude. But if there’s a national characteristic that defines the British, it’s probably the stiff upper lip. Crying in public is frowned upon in all but the most exceptional circumstances; the plucky Brit prefers to keep calm and carry on.
美国人傲慢而直率,法国人浪漫而粗鲁。如果给英国人贴上一张标签的话,那恐怕就是表情严肃、不苟言笑了。除非在最极端的情况下,否则一个英国人在公共场所哭泣会遭到他/她周围人的侧目;每当遭遇不幸,性情坚毅的英国人大多选择保持镇定、独自承受。
At least that’s the theory. But are these emotional stereotypes accurate? And nationality aside, if you are someone who prefers to keep a lid on their emotions, does this make you brave... or emotionally stunted?
好像人人都这么认为。但是,这种刻板的情感印象是否准确?抛开国籍不讲,如果你从不轻易表露感情,这是一种积极勇敢的表现,还是意味着你情感发育不良?
Despite the national stereotype, the British stiff upper lip attitude was actually confined to a short period of British history – from around 1870 to 1945, says Thomas Dixon, director of the Centre for the History of the Emotions at Queen Mary University of London, and author of Weeping Britannia. “It was an attitude suited to a public school-educated, imperial power that was going around the world dominating other countries,” he says.
尽管已经成为一个民族标签,但实际上,英国人具有这种不苟言笑性格的历史并不长,只限于大约从1870年到1945年的一段时期。伦敦玛丽女王大学情绪历史学中心主任,《哭泣的不列颠尼亚》(Weeping Britannia)一书作者托马斯·迪克森(Thomas Dixon)说:“这种克制矜持的情绪符合那些在公立学校受过教育、在世界各地建立殖民地统治的国民形象,”他说。 Prior to this, the British were far more in touch with their feelings. Even the stiff, expressionless Victorians were, in reality, an emotional and sentimental bunch. Take Charles Dickens, who used the suffering of characters like Tiny Tim to pull on the heart-strings, or the young Queen Victoria, who, upon hearing the cheers and applause of the crowd at the announcement of her accession in 1837, very publicly burst into tears.
而在此之前,英国人的情绪要外露得多。即便看似表情淡漠、情感缺乏的维多利亚时代英国人事实上也有着丰富的情感。例如,查尔斯·狄更斯小说《小气财神》里的配角小蒂姆(Tiny Tim)就因命运多舛而赚了不少读者的眼泪;1837年,当年轻的维多利亚女王在登基大典上听到群众的欢呼和掌声时,她不禁流下了激动的泪水。
According to Dixon, the stiff upper lip attitude started to loosen up after World War Two; by the 1960s, Agony Aunts were publically encouraging people to talk about their emotions. Yet its legacy lives on, despite the nightly parade of tear-jerking films and reality TV shows. “It’s very hard to turn on the television during prime time hours and not see some weeping,” Dixon says. “I think some of us like to think we have one even if we don’t. The stiff upper lip has become an object of nostalgia.”
迪克森说,二战之后,英国人这种遇事死扛、绝不轻易外露感情的人生态度开始松动。1960年代,撰写报纸专栏的知心大姐们开始鼓励人们讨论自己的情感。当时,晚上的电影银幕和电视荧屏上充斥着催人泪下的电影和电视真人秀节目。“黄金时间的电视节目里全都是哭哭啼啼的场面,”迪克森说。“想找个没有哭泣场面的节目都找不着。人们曾经崇尚的克制与坚毅已经成了一种怀旧。”
That said, it’s possible the British are still less emotional than other nationalities. Although scientists haven’t studied Brits specifically, there do seem to be cultural differences in emotion between East and West, say. For instance, Japanese people report feeling more guilt, shame and indebtedness – as well as more feelings of closeness to other people – compared to Americans and Europeans, who report experiencing more anger, irritation and pride.
英国人的情感外露程度可能要比其他民族要低,尽管科学家并未对英国人进行过特殊研究,但在情感表达方式上,东西方的确存在着文化差异。例如,日本感觉有罪、羞耻和亏欠他人,以及觉得跟别人更亲密的人数比美国人和欧洲人要多,而美国人和欧洲人更容易感到愤怒、烦躁和自傲。
Some of this could come down to the value different cultures place on certain emotions. “How the people in your environment respond – even how you think they will respond – is going to determine the course your emotion takes, both in terms of your feelings and how you express them,” says Batja Mesquita, an emotion researcher at the University of Leuven in Belgium.
背后的原因在于不同文化对情绪的看法存在差异。“你所在环境中的人们如何响应——甚至你感觉他们会如何响应——都会对你的情绪以及情绪表达方式产生影响,”比利时鲁汶大学情绪研究专家贝贾·麦斯奎塔(Batja Mesquita)说。
There may also be cultural differences in how willing people are to show their emotions. A poll of more than 2,500 Britons, conducted in 2007 by the Social Issues Research Centre in Oxford, revealed that fewer than 20% of Brits claimed to have “let it all out” in the past 24 hours, even though 72% of them believed that bottling emotions up is bad for your health. And 19% of those surveyed revealed they couldn’t remember the last time they let their emotions fly.
不同文化下的人们对于是否愿意表露自己的情绪也存在差异。2007年,牛津大学社会问题研究中心对2,500名英国人进行了一项调查,调查发现,只有不到20%的英国人在过去24小时内曾经“毫无保留发泄了自己的情绪”,虽然同时有高达72%的被调查者认为刻意压抑自己的情绪对身体健康有害。还有19%的被调查者记不清楚上次抒发情感是在什么时间。
Clamping down on the expression of your emotions is something psychologists call ‘suppression’, and it’s one of five classic strategies people use to regulate their emotions. “Emotions play out in many different contexts and they play out over time,” says James Gross, professor of psychology at Stanford University.
心理学家把刻意压抑情绪的表达称为“压制”,这是五种控制情绪的策略之一。“情绪会在各种不同环境下减弱,也可以随着时间的推移慢慢减弱,”斯坦福大学心理学教授詹姆斯·格罗斯(James Gross)说。
One strategy is to avoid situations that might trigger a certain emotion; another is to modify a situation in order to boost your chances of experiencing positive emotions rather than negative ones. Yet another strategy is to focus your attention elsewhere, rather than letting your emotions take over. Then, once the situation has passed, you can try and see things from a different perspective. Or you can try and suppress it.
一种策略是尽量避免进入能够触发某种情绪的环境;第二种是改变环境,让正面情绪压过负面情绪;第三种是把注意力集中在其他事物上,不让情绪左右你的思维,这样,一旦环境转移,就能从不同角度看待事物。或者,可以尝试直接压制负面情绪。
Generally speaking, being able to regulate your emotions in these ways is a positive thing, associated with better academic achievement, mental health, and a longer lifespan. But, although emotional suppression may occasionally be useful – biting your lip if your boss makes an irritating comment during your appraisal, say – most psychologists see it as the worst strategy of the bunch.
一般来说,能够控制自己的情绪是一件好事,能让你取得更好的学习成绩、保持良好精神健康状态、寿命也会更长。尽管有时情绪压制是必需的,要是你的老板在你的评估考核中给了让人恼怒的差评,你只能咬牙忍住怒火,但是多数心理学家都认为这属于效果最差的应对策略。
“When you try to suppress an emotion, much like when you try to suppress a thought, it can have the opposite effect,” says Susanne Schweizer, an emotion researcher at the University of Cambridge. “It’s likely to come back more strongly later on.”
“压制情绪很像压制思维,往往会带来相反的后果,”剑桥大学情绪研究专家苏珊娜·施伟策(Susanne Schweizer)说。“不良情绪最终可能会以更大的力量反弹回来。”
There’s mounting evidence that suppressing your emotions comes at a cost. In one study, Gross asked volunteers to watch a gruesome film and either hide their emotional responses to it, or to act naturally; in a follow-up study a different group of volunteers were shown amusing and happy films and asked to do the same. “What we found was that suppressing their emotions didn’t make people feel any better – and when they were suppressing positive emotions it actually made them feel less positive,” says Gross. It also required physical effort; the volunteers’ blood pressure went up when they were trying to hide their feelings. Subsequent studies have revealed that emotional suppression impairs your memory, while the people you’re interacting with find it burdensome.
有越来越多的证据证明,压制情绪会产生不良后果。在一项实验中,格罗斯让志愿者首先观看一部情节压抑恐怖的电影。看完后,志愿者可以隐藏自己的情绪,也可以做出自然反应;在第二次实验中,给另外一个志愿者小组放映情节轻松愉快的电影,然后要求和第一次实验相同。“我们发现,压制自己的情绪不会改善任何人的感受–如果受试者压制快乐、愉悦等良性情绪,他们的愉悦感会打折扣,”格罗斯说。当志愿者试图掩饰自己的情绪时,他们的血压会升高。后续研究表明,压制情绪会导致记忆力变差,正在和你交流的人也会感到有负担。
What then, about the Brits? A recent poll by the mental health charity Mind revealed that four in five British 18- to 34-year-olds admit to putting on a brave face when they’re anxious, and a quarter believe that showing their emotions is a sign of weakness. You’d think that such a nation would be a terrible place to live; we’d experience more mental illness, die earlier, and hate each other.
英国人是否在压制自己的情绪?精神健康慈善组织Mind发现,在18-34岁的英国人中,有五分之四承认在感到紧张焦虑时却硬要装出一副无所谓的样子,四分之一的人认为,表露情绪是弱者的表现。如果是这样,那么英国该是一个多么不适宜人居住的国家;在这里,人们罹患精神疾病、短寿和相互憎恨。
But there’s some evidence from East Asia – where emotional suppression is also quite normal, and even viewed as a positive trait – that the emotional costs of suppression are lower than in a country like the US, where Gross has done the majority of his research. “The negative costs may be diminished in a social context where it is really the norm to suppress,” he says.
东亚地区的情绪压制现象同样非常普遍,人们甚至把它看做是一种优点。有证据表明,在这一地区情绪压制的负面作用比美国要轻。格罗斯大部分研究都是在美国进行的。“在情绪压制成为普遍现象的社会,他的负面效应反而会减弱,”他说。
And emotional suppression can occasionally have an upside. Take the so-called Blitz Spirit: showing stoicism and determination to carry on in the face of difficult situations, such the aftermath of the 7/7 bombings in London. Emotions can be contagious; expressing panic and distress in a context like this could be disastrous. If we see others just gritting their teeth and getting on with things, it can leave us feeling encouraged instead. Social support is known to be a buffer against mental illness.
有时,情绪压制也有好的一面。比如所谓的“闪电战精神”:无论面对多大的艰难困苦,都要坚忍不拔,坚持到底。例如,2005年7月7日伦敦发生地铁连环爆炸案后人们的反应。在巨大灾难面前,不良情绪会互相传染。惊慌失措、情绪低落只会造成更大的灾难。这时,咬紧牙关、不惧艰难的人会给我们战胜困难的信心。另外,社会支持也是预防精神疾病的缓冲器。
“A sense of community and a sense of support in terms of pulling together as a nation could be protective on a larger scale,” says Schweizer.
“把国家团结起来的集体感和支持感会对社会中的个体提供有效保护,”施伟策说。
Used wisely then, the stiff upper lip can be a powerful tool in your emotional toolkit. It’s just often not the best tool: you should be sure to have others in there as well.
因此,如果应用得当,沉着克制会成为你的情绪工具箱里一件强大的工具。保守矜持通常不是最好的工具,所以你最好确保工具箱里常备其他工具。