好英语网在非洲草原上感悟到的生死故事
It was the stillest of days, with no hint that bad news was barrelling towards me to crack my life in two.
那是最平静的一天，坏消息没有任何预兆地向我袭来，把我的生活劈成两半。
I had just settled back at our campsite with coffee and a handful of rusks, South African sweet biscuits. I was on a safari and reporting assignment in Botswana’s Okavango Delta, and after a morning hike, I paused to take stock of all I had seen. Bursts of yellow stockroses, baboons in lotus position, four-toed footprints on a hippo path, swooping bee-eaters with lime-green jackets. It was a lot of beauty for one morning.
当时我刚回到营地，喝着咖啡，手里抓着一把南非甜饼干。我当时正在博茨瓦纳的奥卡万戈三角洲（Okavango Delta）进行野外探索，完成报道任务。在一早上的徒步后，我停下来回顾所见到的景色——有一簇簇的黄色蜀葵，盘腿坐着的狒狒，河马走过留下四趾脚印的小路以及俯冲下来的带有柠绿色羽毛的食蜂鸟。就一个上午而言，这些美景算是多的了。
Two days prior, our guide Simon Byron had steered me here with my photographer colleague Felix Odell, through swampy channels lined with papyrus reeds. We were deep in the labyrinth of the wetland, sleeping in tents pitched on the banks of obsidian-black water.
两天前，我们的向导拜伦（Simon Byron）带着我和我的摄影师同事奥德尔（Felix Odell）穿过长有纸莎草芦苇的沼泽地来到这里。我们身处迷宫一般的湿地深处，住在河岸边撑起的帐篷里，河水呈曜石黑色。
德桑克蒂斯正在博茨瓦纳完成工作任务，听闻来自家里让人心碎的消息
This was my second leg of a three-part expedition across the Okavango Delta. The first had been high luxury, dawn-to-dusk game drives and the singular thrill of wildlife sightings. It was the end of the rainy season, and animals were plentiful, contentedly feasting on spring grass. Elephant and giraffe calves wobbled next to their mothers, and tiny warthogs skittered behind their parents. The savanna pulsed with life, as if warm blood, rather than water, coursed through the floodplains. The only empty space on my checklist was a leopard, the stealthiest predator of all, and the one I most longed to see in Botswana.
这是我在奥卡万戈三角洲探险三部曲的第二站。第一站非常奢华，从早到晚坐着车顶可以打开的面包车在草原上看野生动物，很是让人兴奋。当时雨季接近尾声，各种各样的动物非常满足地享受春天的草原盛宴。小象和小长颈鹿在母亲身边晃晃悠悠地走动，小疣猪则在父母背后徘徊。大草原跃动着，充满了生命力，穿过泛洪区的仿佛不是水，而是温暖的血液。我最渴望在博茨瓦纳看到、却一直没见到的就是猎豹，这个所有动物中最隐秘的捕食者。
This next portion of the journey was about immersion in unspoiled wilderness, and with no electronics to ruin the quiet, I already felt my soul was recovering from something. The scent of wild sage, jasmine and basil blew across the grasslands, and I wondered if they were some kind of narcotic, so deep was my sense of calm. Byron reported hearing the distant leopard call in early dawn, but these elusive creatures were unlikely to pass by our open-air camp. I had a few more days in Botswana, so I still felt unrushed.
旅途的下一程完全沉浸在未被开发的野外。没有了电子设备的干扰，安静的环境让我感觉自己的灵魂正逐渐恢复。野生鼠尾草、茉莉和罗勒的味道吹过草原，而我开始怀疑它们是不是有麻醉效果，让我异常平静。拜伦在黎明时分说，自己听到了远处猎豹的叫声，但这些难以捉摸的生物不太可能路过我们的露天营地。我还有几天才离开博茨瓦纳，因此还并不着急。
Later that morning, Byron received a message. We were two planes and a boat away from a mobile phone tower, so a satellite phone was our only means of communication. “You need to call home,” Byron told me softly. Another time, morbid fantasy would have clouded my vision, made me frantic that something happened to one of my children. But I instinctively knew why I would now measure time from the fractured hush of this morning.
那天早上晚些时候，拜伦收到了一条消息。我们要到最近的手机信号覆盖区域需要坐一次船，搭两趟飞机，因此卫星电话是我们唯一的通讯工具。“你得给家里打个电话，”拜伦轻声告诉我。如果是别的时候，我的思维肯定被奇怪的臆想笼罩，担心是不是我的孩子出事了。但我的直觉告诉我，为什么那天上午短暂的宁静，会让我意识到时间的流逝。
Finally, a voice pinged back to me from outer space. “She passed away peacefully,” my husband said. “Her suffering is over.” The call cut off sharply and I stared at the handset in my palm.
最终，一个声音把我的思绪从外太空拉了回来。“她平静地过世了，”我的丈夫说道。“她不用再受折磨了。”通话戛然而止，而我盯着手中的电话发呆。
“My mother is dead,” I thought. And I was clear across the world.
“我的母亲过世了。”我在心里想道，而我却在世界的另一端。
I had seen her in Boston barely a week earlier. New England was bracing for a late-winter blizzard, and as I prepared the usual ritual of stocking up on coffee, wine and popcorn, my father called. In two days, I was due to leave Connecticut for Botswana. “Mom has declined,” he said. “I wanted you to know.”
就在一个星期前，我还在波士顿见了她一面。晚冬的新英格兰正酝酿着一场暴风雪，而我则在囤积咖啡、红酒和爆米花，用我父亲的话说，这就像是我的日常仪式。两天后，我本应该从康涅狄格州出发，前往博茨瓦纳。我父亲告诉我说：“我想让你知道，你妈妈更虚弱了。”
“I’ll be right up,” I said and headed north to Massachusetts, straight into the storm.
我说：“那我马上来”，迎着暴风雪北上马萨诸塞州。
My mother was approaching her fourth year at an Alzheimer’s facility. For an illness marked by mercilessness, hers was unusually tragic. She had no intelligible language and seemed to be in a state of mortal terror. She lashed out at me, the youngest of her four devoted daughters, and often at others. Did she know me? I certainly hope not. There was nothing like recognition, even less of love. It was living death and I had lost her long ago.
我母亲当时在一家阿尔兹海默症医护机构已经待了将近四年。这种疾病以无情著称，而她则尤为不幸。她已经无法用清晰的语言表达自己，看起来处在濒死的恐惧状态。她有四个深爱她的女儿，我是最小的一个。她常常朝我和其他人大发脾气。她还记得我吗？我当然希望她不记得。她没有表现出任何认得我的样子，更不要提爱了。那是生不如死的一种状态，而我在很早之前就已经失去她了。
It was warm in her little room. My father, one of my sisters and I played music she loved. I dipped a swab in lemonade and laughed when she bit down hard on it like a child with a lollipop. I narrated stories about her grandchildren. Her beauty had returned in this liminal state. Her face was smooth, her colour rosy. Meanwhile, Massachusetts had all but shut down. We were socked in for two nights and slept on mattresses near my mother, cocooned by 29in of snow outside.
她的小房间里很温暖。我的父亲和我的一个姐姐放着她曾经喜欢的音乐。我把一根棉签浸在柠檬水里，一边看着她像一个小孩啃棒棒糖一样用力咬棉签，一边大笑。我和她讲她外孙们的故事。她的美貌也在这个边缘状态中再次显现出来。她的皮肤变得很光滑，面色红润。此时的马萨诸塞州几乎已经完全停摆了。我们在这里困了两天，睡在我母亲床位旁边的一张床垫上，被外面29英寸深的雪包围。
My father, a physician, was not optimistic that she would wake, but this enigmatic disease was rife with trickery, and there was no way to predict what any day would bring. These dips had happened before, and I had said ‘goodbye’ every time I left her in the past four years. My family urged me to go forth to Africa for the work I loved. My own justification was simple: I did not actually believe my mother would die.
我的父亲是一名医师，他对母亲是否会清醒过来并不乐观。但这个谜一样的疾病充满着各种未知，而且无法预测到底每天会发生什么。这种恶化的情况曾经发生过，而我在过去四年中，每次离开都会和她说“再见”。我的家人力劝我去非洲，投身自己热爱的工作。我自己的理由则很简单：我并不认为母亲会过世。
“See you in two weeks, Mom,” I whispered. “I’ll find you a leopard. Promise.”
我悄声说：“妈妈，两周后见。我会为你找一只猎豹的，说到做到。”
My mother was a natural-born wayfinder who never needed a map. In another era, she could have led an expedition down the Amazon, but instead spent her decades as a stay-at-home wife and mother. But after her children left home, travel answered the call of her restless, curious mind. Her favourite journey was a safari in Kenya with my father, where she saw all but a leopard – a ‘leppid’ she called it in her Boston brogue. She loved those gorgeous cats, and was fascinated by the litheness of their movements, their strength and don’t-mess-with-me cool.
我母亲天生方向感就很好，从来不需要地图。如果她出生在另一个年代，就可能成为探索亚马逊雨林的向导，但她几十年来都只是家庭主妇和母亲。随着孩子们长大离开家，她内心的悸动和好奇促使她开始旅行。她最喜欢的一次旅途是和父亲在肯尼亚，她几乎看到了所有的动物，唯独没有看到猎豹，她热爱这类充满魅力的猫科动物，对它们矫健的身姿、力量感以及那种“别招惹我”的酷劲深深着迷。
And now, it was unfinished business. I owed her at least that. I had been absent at her deathbed, and I wondered if the wound of my guilt could ever heal. But I was also in Botswana to work, and grief began to paint unexpected colours on my assignment.
现在，这都成了未完成的事业。我至少应该帮她完成这个心愿。她过世时我没能陪在身边，这种罪恶感应该会伴我终身。但我前来博茨瓦纳也是为了工作，而这种悲伤情绪开始给我的工作带来了意料之外的影响。
Byron and Odell waited for me at the fire. I was numb. “My mother,” I said.
拜伦和奥德尔在火边等着我。我整个人呆住了，说：“我母亲走了。”
“What would you like to do?” Byron’s face was warm with compassion. We climbed into the boat and into the tangle of water and wilderness. The universe has ways of offering comfort, and it was deploying them at every turn. Such signs are visible only to the willing, and the sheer aliveness of Botswana was gracefully preparing me for loss. The delta teemed with lilies and flamboyant birds. As if my eyes were telescopes, I saw the cobalt feathers of a malachite kingfisher through a tuft of reeds. Under a charcoal cloud, strands of rain reached down to distant water. Byron opened a bottle of champagne and poured. “What was your mother’s name?” he asked.
“那你想要做些什么吗？”拜伦的表情是温暖而同情。我们爬进小船，划向没有人烟的河流深处。宇宙自有安慰人的方法，而且把它们安排在各个角落。只有有意愿的人才能看到这些迹象，而博茨瓦纳十足的活力和生机正温存地抚慰我为失去至亲的伤痛。三角洲地区到处都是百合花和颜色艳丽的鸟类。我的眼睛仿佛望远镜一般，透过一簇芦苇看到了翠鸟身上蓝绿色光泽的羽毛。在一片乌云下，阵阵雨水落入远处的水面。拜伦打开一瓶香槟酒，倒了出来，问道：“你母亲叫什么名字呢？”
“Ruth,” I said.
“露丝，”我说道。
We raised our glasses to life, to death, to light, to dark, to the earthly and the eternal. “To Ruth,” we said.
我们举杯，致出生死亡、光明黑暗、尘世永恒。“致露丝，”我们说道。
That evening, I was seized by the reality of my utter displacement, and Byron lent me his satellite phone. I found service from a boat in our channel full of crocodiles. In the liquid darkness, I saw several pair of yellow hippopotamus eyes across the bank. One of my sisters spoke over the static. “You had a beautiful goodbye last Monday,” she said. The funeral would not be for three weeks, and she was firm I would stay the remaining few days in Botswana as planned. “You are where Mom would have wanted you to be.” I retired to my tent and wept silent tears, listening for the sound of a saw cutting through wood: the leopard’s call.
那天晚上，彻底的流离失所感一直占据着我的内心，拜伦把卫星电话借给我。我坐着船，在一条充满鳄鱼的河道中收到了信号。在这一片黑暗的水流中，河对岸几只河马黄色的眼睛清晰可见。在一阵电流杂音中，我的姐姐说：“你上周一作了美好的道别。”葬礼要三个星期后才会举行，而她也确信我会按计划继续待在博茨瓦纳。“妈妈肯定也想你待在那里。”我回到帐篷里，默默地哭泣，竖起耳朵听是否有像锯子锯木头的声音：那是猎豹的叫声。
When we moved on to the final stop of the safari, I was stirred by the pageant of death and renewal, so raw in the savanna, where the greens seemed brighter than when I arrived. A pack of wild dogs dragged an impala carcass to a clearing and feasted. A tiny lechwe antelope leapt to meet his herd. My mother was everywhere, in the rays through brume as day broke, in the hint of breeze that grazed my cheek. Mostly, I saw her in all the protective female monkeys, zebras and elephants who kept their babies close and away from predators, as my mother did when I was a little girl and she was my sole bulwark against the world.
当我们到野外探索的最后一站时，死亡与新生命的出现形成一场盛宴，通过如此原始的方式呈现在草原上，让人激动。草原看起来比我刚来的时候更绿了。一群野狗把一只黑斑羚的尸体拖到空地上大吃一顿。一只小驴羚跳起来，和它所在的羊群打招呼。无论是破晓时穿透薄雾的光线，还是拂面的清风，处处都有母亲的身影。大多数时候，我在那些保护自己的孩子远离掠食者的雌性的猴子、斑马和大象身上看到了母亲的身影，想起小时候母亲也是这样，是保护我远离世界纷扰的坚实堡垒。
The last full day was a wet and disappointing one. Our flight was leaving at 10:00 the next morning, and though there were storms in the forecast, I hoped for a final early pre-departure game drive. Nature gives no guarantees, but I went to bed hopeful.
最后一天天气潮湿，令人失望。我们的飞机将于第二天上午10点起飞。虽然天气预报说将会有暴雨，但我还是抱着最后一丝希望，想在出发前再次驱车前去看野生动物。大自然并不会对任何事物打包票，但我还是心怀希望地睡了。
I awoke at 04:30, drawn as if by hands to the waiting bush. I dressed and grabbed coffee. Our new guide, Dave Luck, said, “Let’s go see what’s out there.”
早上4:30我就醒了，仿佛有一双手拉着我前去丛林中。我穿好衣服，喝了咖啡。我们的新向导卢克（Dave Luck）说：“我们去看看外面有什么吧。”
Hours passed under a steely wall of sky, and the drenched earth smelled fresh. The sun rose and clouds lifted to reveal pastel stripes on the horizon. Luck careened in the Land Rover, through mud and soaking gullies. There was urgency in his driving, and it reflected the percussion of my own sinking heart. He shone a torch on cat tracks at the edge of the road. “Lion,” he said. In one hour, I would be on a plane home to family, funeral arrangements and the empty space my mother’s passing had left.
我们在铁灰色的天空下度过了几个小时，潮湿的泥土闻起来很清新。太阳升起、云朵飘走，地平线上开始显现粉笔画一般的光束。卢克开着路虎，晃晃悠悠地开过一片泥泞沟渠。他开得很急，我沉下来的心也一样砰砰作响。他打着手电筒，看路边一条猫科动物走过的小径。“有狮子。”他说道。一个小时后，我就会搭乘飞机回家，面对家人、葬礼的安排以及失去母亲后的空洞感。
With a clatter of static on the two-way radio, Luck bolted in a direction only he knew.
对讲机出现了沙沙的电流声，卢克快速地向一个只有他知道的方向跑去。
I looked at Odell and we both raised our eyebrows.
我看着奥德尔，两个人都挑了挑眉毛。
“We must hurry,” Luck said.
卢克说：“我们必须抓紧时间了。”
I clenched my eyes and fists. My lungs gripped a gust of air. When we stopped, I exhaled, looked up and saw the regal face of a leopard 18m away. She reclined on the twisted branch of a rain tree, her legs and tail draped languorously. “That’s Marothodi,” Luck said. “It means ‘raindrop’. Her mother is Pula. It means ‘rain’.” Every synapse in my body ignited in delight. I feared she would vanish if I blinked. She rearranged her limbs into a crook of the tree, looking relaxed and at ease. But I knew her power was greater than mine, than all of ours.
我睁大双眼，拳头紧握，肺里存了一口气秉住呼吸，等到停下来时才呼气。这时我们一抬头，就看到一只雍容的猎豹出现在18米外。她在一棵雨豆树扭曲的树枝上休息，腿和尾巴都很放松地吊着。卢克说：“那是马洛索蒂（Marothodi），名字意为‘雨滴’。她的母亲叫普拉（Pula），意思是‘雨’。”我感觉到身体里每一个突触都擦出了愉悦的火花。我担心自己一眨眼，她就会消失不见。她调整了自己的姿势，四肢放在树弯里，看起来神色自若，很放松。但我知道，她的力量远远大于我，也大于我们所有人。
My body gave way to grateful, exhausted sobs, and in an instant, I saw the pieces of the universe as if they were bathed in clarity. The relentless continuum, a New England snowstorm and African sunrise connected by the very same sky. Life’s precariousness and impermanence, but mostly its astonishing generosity. I saw a leopard and a daughter, who, for a moment, fixed her startling orange eyes on mine as if to tell me, “You are where your mother would have wanted you to be.”
我感到愉悦感激，开始不由自主地啜泣、颤抖。紧接着，我看见宇宙的各种碎片，一派透明、清晰。这片天空永无间断的昼夜更替、新英格兰的暴雪和非洲的日出在同一天空下紧密相连。生命短暂且充满了不确定性，但最重要的是，它的慷慨让人惊叹。我见到一只猎豹、一个女儿，她睁着橙色的双眼盯着我，仿佛要和我说：“你就在你母亲希望你在的地方。”
At last, the cat clambered down the trunk, into the tall grass and another brilliant day on Earth.
最后，这只猫科动物爬下树干，走进茂盛的草丛，开始了在地球上精彩的一天。